Gahh, I'm so sorry, Mel. I was supposed to be one of those friends who got back to you after you noted me the outline, but life got in the way and just... I'm sorry D:
However, even if I never got around to replying, I did manage to read through the thing, and I can at least tell you that I enjoyed what was written down! It would have made a great children's movie, the kind that was around during the Disney Renaissance sort of deal. ^^ You have a good thing going, but I also think that it would be best if I gave a few pieces of constructive advice.
1) Read More Stuff! Or well, watch more stuff, any of that goes, haha. You had a great first draft outline for your novel series, but at the same time, I think the reason why a handful of people could "see things coming" was due to the inspiration you took to build your storyline. For the most part you've relied on Disney movies and other similar storylines with very common tropes (such as the parental figure that dies just before the journey is taken, relationships with villains, etc.) which isn't a bad thing! But it also shallows out your pool of material and inspiration, and with your level of writing and the great way you can work with words, a writer like you deserves much more than that. With summer just around the corner, now might be a good time to hit the bookstore and see if there's any new material you'd like to read. You never know; it might bring something new to the table, spark something in your imagination that makes you go "Ohhh, oh! I'd love to do that!" I'd also recommend checking out some recent films that have come out-- proooobably not those gritty superhero ones xD But at least some of the wonderful new stuff that's recently been made, the kind that focuses on great world building and adventures and well rounded characters and all that. You never know what may pop out to you!
2) More Accountability! I wouldn't exactly say that Terence is too perfect. He may have his good looks, but we've all seen the pettier/darker sides to him, most especially in his Narnian storylines. However, the perception of "perfection" can still be achieved-- yes, even by accident-- with the way that other characters may react to your protagonist's faults. A character can have his bad moments, but that can all be negated simply with everyone else around him saying "aww that's okay." The more your world excuses the hero, the more perfect he'll seem, even when he's not. Gosh, writing stories can be tricky |D
What's good is that you never flat out did this with Terence, but there were times when you cut things just a little close. Like when Terence admitted being upset because he had unresolved feelings for Lucy (at a time when she was already with Tumnus) and Tumnus openly considered ending the relationship because of this. It might have just been me being biased toward the couple in the first place, but that scene could have been taken for one of those "catering" moments. The story even ended with Terence being allowed to give Lucy a single kiss. Some hypothetical readers might argue that this wasn't being fair to Lucy, who didn't love her friend in that way, and it most certainly wasn't fair for Tumnus to consider ending the relationship when he and Lucy were happy with each other, putting an end to their own joy simply because their friend couldn't be happy for them. It would have been different if say, Lucy had originally been in a relationship with Terence but had broken things off a while back (by then his open despair would have been more understandable as well as Tumnus's feeling guilty about the relationship).
Then there was also the story where Terence was feeling ignored and neglected after Tumnus and Lucy had their first child. I do remember the couple making an effort to include Terence in their activities-- even going so far as to make him Puck's godfather-- but in the end it wasn't enough for Terence to feel reassured. The story reached a climax when Terence started railing about Puck, and Tumnus's buttons were so pushed that he wound up punching Terence, who got upset and ran off after the incident. When the story reached a resolution, Terence apologized for the way he acted, but more attention was focused on Tumnus and Lucy apologizing to Terence for making him feel so ignored and for reacting the way they did when he had his outburst. This in particular could be seen as unfair coddling by other readers. Mostly because the story involved a grown adult getting jealous about a baby and a father being painted out as the bad guy when his defenseless child was being ranted about. It also ended with a bit of a subtle point about Terence's pain having taken precedence over the child. I remember loving the story, but I also remember going "Ouch" at those scenes. A resolution that brought the three friends together without too much pardoning for Terence's behavior might sit better with a future reader.
All in all, you did give Terence his faults, and I think that's great! As long as your novel involves scenes where he's chastised in some way for that behavior and is shown learning from his mistakes, you'll definitely be in the clear on that concept. Friends can still apologize for the way they acted, as long as their own remorse isn't the exact "focus."
3) Strengths and Weaknesses! We know by now that Terence has great looks, great charisma, a great singing voice, a natural talent for dancing, excellent agility, and is a top-notch swordsman-- even better than King Peter, himself. However, he must have a few disadvantages as well, right? As his creator, I'm sure you've thought it out, even if we haven't yet seen these traits. When it comes to his tactical qualities, he most likely suffers in some areas while excelling in others. We know he's great with a sword, but are there weapons that don't work well with him? Or better yet, weapons that he has trouble deflecting in battle? We know he has good agility because of his dancing, but how is his strength? Does he work better with swords of lighter weight? Does he struggle with heavier ones like greatswords, or weapons like war-hammers and halberds? How is his endurance? We know he's an excellent battler, but how long can he last in a fight? Does he have great stamina or does he need to rely on quick and skilled defeat of the enemy, lest he tires too early? Does he have any demeanor or nervous habits/ticks that might be distracting? Was there anything that people didn't like about him when he first entered the human kingdom as a human, himself?
4) Social Interaction! Now this might be a little more challenging just because you probably haven't done it much before, but have you ever tried roleplaying with Terence? Roleplaying (having your character interact with other people's characters through notes or forum posts) can not only be fun, but a great way for you to explore your character and see how he'd react in different situations and with different people. The great thing is that you have quite a few friends here that you can trust and discuss character interaction with. Summer vacation's going to provide for plenty of free time, so I'd suggest giving one or two rp's a try ^^
Goodness, I hope I didn't wall you.
