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I am the very model of a modern major Mary Sue
With tons of Mary-Sue-ness in every little thing I say and do
I know next to nothing, for my head is but an empty shell
Yet with my insanely gorgeous looks, you people would hardly tell

I'm spoiled to the bone and I'm only looking out for me
It's impossible for anybody to take me seriously
I'm a girl that everyone bends over backwards to try to please
I got guys surrounding me, like a flower with a thousand bees

(She's got guys surrounding her, like a flower with a thousand bees
She's got guys surrounding her, like a flower with a thousand bees
She's a girl that everyone bends over backwards to try to please!)

I'm very good at making a good story quite unreadable
I'm so sappy and so shallow, it's really unbelievable
As outrageous as it may sound, you folks gotta believe it's true
I am the very model of a modern major Mary Sue

(As outrageous as it may sound, you folks gotta believe it's true
She is the very model of a modern major Mary Sue!)

I'm the heroine of the story, but I'm just nauseating
I'm a drama success and I excel at exaggerating
You little girls would have to be crazy to want to be just like me
For a lamer, lousier role model you shall never see

I hardly lift a finger, I don't know how to do anything
I yank everyone back and forth as if they're some toy on a string
The story revolves around me, but I'm nothing but a big bore
You might as well stick a stamp on me and mail me to Ecuador

(You might as well stick a stamp on her and mail her to Ecuador
You might as well stick a stamp on her and mail her to Ecuador
The story revolves around her, but she's nothing but a big bore!)

Then I can make a snooty celebrity look like a honey
I'd give every last one of those ladies a run for their money
As outrageous as it may sound, you folks gotta believe it's true
I am the very model of a modern major Mary Sue

(As outrageous as it may sound, you folks gotta believe it's true
She is the very model of a modern major Mary Sue!)

In fact, why did the author even bother to write about me?
It's plain enough that the whole world would be better off without me
Because all I do is eat and sleep and tease and torment the guys
When it comes to pretentiously pretentiousness, I win the prize

I'm psychologically tortured and make it everyone's problem
I'm pretty and popular, but also tedious and tiresome
In short, you smart people should really have nothing to do with me
Just lock me in the innermost basement and throw away the key

(Just lock her in the innermost basement and throw away the key
Just lock her in the innermost basement and throw away the key
You people should really have nothing to do with the likes of she!)

For all my potential, I fall miserably short of the bill
I have been this way forever and I probably always will
As outrageous as it may sound, you folks gotta believe it's true
I am the very model of a modern major Mary Sue

(As outrageous as it may sound, you folks gotta believe it's true
She is the very model of a modern major Mary Sue!)
Based on the fast-paced and tongue-twisting song "Model of a Modern Major General" from the comical opera The Pirates of Penzance. While listening to the song on my Zune on the way home from school today, this idea came to mind. I was originally gong to base it off "Twilight", but then decided to do a song that ridicules ALL Mary Sues, in general.

I wrote this in record time; it only took me just a little over an hour. I used to wonder for the longest time what Mary Sues and Gary Stus even were, and why everyone was so opposed to them, but now that I know, I'm striving to avoid making all my characters anything like them.

Here's the original song if you'd like to hear it (and try to sing along, if you think your tongue can take it): [link]

The Pirates of Penzance Gilbert and Sullivan

Lyrics *unicorn-skydancer08

All rights reserved.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconleahclemens:
LeahClemens Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2014
XD this is both clever and hilarious!! (lol, I just saw the Pirates of Penzance performed last week!! This reminded me a bit of that, only more modern, and, in it's own way, better!! XD XD XD)
Thumbs Up Thumbs Up Thumbs Up Clap La la la la Lol 
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2014
I'm very flattered. :thanks:
Reply
:iconleahclemens:
LeahClemens Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2014
Emoji Set: Applause clap remake 1b Cheers and Applause - NaNoEmo Day 8
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:iconleahclemens:
LeahClemens Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2014
XD brava!!
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2015
Encore, encore!
Reply
:iconabbylulu1000:
Abbylulu1000 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
Lol my brother is trying to memorize the original version and when I saw this I was laughing. cx



Bravo bro.
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013
I'm a sis, but thank you all the same.

I've been thinking about doing one for a Gary Stu, but I don't know. That might be pushing it a bit, wouldn't you think?
Reply
:iconabbylulu1000:
Abbylulu1000 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
Oh sorry, I just call everyone 'bro', it's a habit. xP I think maybe you could do another song for Gary Stu, though. :3
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013
That's okay. :pat: I'll think about it.
Reply
:iconabbylulu1000:
Abbylulu1000 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
Okie. c:
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013
And if I do, I'll be sure to let everybody know.
Reply
:iconabbylulu1000:
Abbylulu1000 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
Okay! :D
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013
Thanks for taking the time to check out my stuff. Really means a lot.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconarmarielrozita:
ArmarielRoZita Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Brilliant! *applause*
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013
Very amusing!!! I have the movie on DvD and was instantly humming it to myself. The title told me exactly what melody it was :D A very funny text!! Well done :D
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013
Thanks, mate. :) I'm thinking of one for a Gary Stu, but I'm not sure. I don't want to overdo it.
Reply
:icondiamond--intherough:
Diamond--InTheRough Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconmindblownplz: This is incredible.
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
Thank you! I'm glad you think so.
Reply
:icongardere:
Gardere Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2012
....Mind-explosion.
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2012
Excuse me?
Reply
:icongardere:
Gardere Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2012
Sorry. ;_;

It's the kind of awesomeness/trueness of this.
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2012
It's fine, I just wondered what you were saying.
Reply
:iconlirachiu:
lirachiu Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I heard "Major General" so many the lyrics were burned on my brain and I can sing it without tripping.
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012
Can you, eh?
Reply
:iconlirachiu:
lirachiu Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My drama buddies and I actually did that the other day
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012
Can you do these lyrics to that tune?
Reply
:iconcybiline:
Cybiline Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012  Student General Artist
Awesome!!
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2012
Totally awesome!
Reply
:iconcybiline:
Cybiline Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2012  Student General Artist
You have a wonderful gift for satire!
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2012
Thanks very much! :D That's something I'm striving to perfect.
Reply
:iconshokaytsufleur:
Shokaytsufleur Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I was staring at the lyrics for a long time trying to figure out where I had heard their parallel. I had to read the description. And then I was like "Oh, Pirates of Penzance! I remember that!"
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2012
Yep, the description tells all! I never actually saw "Pirates of Penzance", but I love this song.
Reply
:iconcressieluna09:
cressieluna09 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2012
Epic Win! It really describes her in every way she is a Mary sue
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2012
Used to wonder for the longest time just what a Mary Sue was and why people hated them so much.

Now I know.
Reply
:iconnevlovesyou:
nevlovesyou Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Two words:
EPIC. WIN!!!
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2011
Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week! :bow:
Reply
:iconkitsunekeyblader:
kitsunekeyblader Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2011
So much win!
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2011
Thank you, my friend!
Reply
:iconkitsunekeyblader:
kitsunekeyblader Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2011
You're quite welcome! :)
Reply
:iconmoombeam36:
Moombeam36 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:clap: :rofl: Brilliant, this is great :D
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011
Thanks!
Reply
:iconbram-stokerplz:
bram-stokerplz Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2011
Very nice!
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2011
Thanks, mate!
Reply
:iconbram-stokerplz:
bram-stokerplz Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2011
You're welcome!
Reply
:icongirl-n-herhorse:
girl-n-herhorse Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ahhh . . . I am the very model of the modern major general :XD: Great job :nod:
Reply
:iconunicorn-skydancer08:
unicorn-skydancer08 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2011
I admire the people who can sing it. You scarcely have time for a breath.
Reply
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